office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
