My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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