my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize