The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
