listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
