Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
