I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
