this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
