Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
