My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
