you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
