I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
