Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
