P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
