I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
