He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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