I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
