Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize