Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
