Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
