it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
