I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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