i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
tell me about the fingering
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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