oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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