I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
