hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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