HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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