When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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