drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
