it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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