i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
