I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
