so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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