I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
