god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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