Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
