roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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