the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
