Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize