she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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