The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
