We won't sleep together?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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