Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
