Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
whose parrot is this?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
