Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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