smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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