God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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