I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
