sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
