the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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