You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
