the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
4 words: hood of his car
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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