Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
