I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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