New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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