Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize