Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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