I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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