He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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