Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
