Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
