I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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