All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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