Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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