I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize