i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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