it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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