You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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