you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
