my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
