you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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