i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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