the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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