Soap is not a condiment
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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