I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
