im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
