I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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