So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize