Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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