the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Terrible idea I love it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize