make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
