Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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