I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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