Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
