birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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