Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
