To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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