Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
