On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
